by Eloisa James

Rating:
1/5

I don’t know. Am I reading a different book than everyone else? There’s something seriously wrong with my version.

I am hating how is written. Oddly, I really liked the prologue. But the next 50 pages have been just awful. I mean, they are a mess. Their hero is simply bizarre in his behavior. He’s all over the place. First he seems super up tight and then he’s all dark and brooding. He thinks the heroine is a missionary and unattractive and then all of the sudden he’s lusting after her. But there was literally no build up. It was different from one paragraph to the next.

He goes from defending his mother to insulting her and the heroine defending his mother in the next breath. He alternately describes the heroine as stout and round and then says she’s a Greek goddess.

And the premise is fairly nonsensical. The heroine is blackmailing the hero into marriage with a letter written by his father that would ruin him. First he doesn’t care that she could publish it. Then he does care. Stranger still, she leaves him with her demands AND the letter she’s blackmailing him with. That’s just dumb. But the hero doesn’t even realize that she just gave away her power. Because he can’t seem to decide on any singular avenue of thought.

Then she’s going to leave and he’s telling her how unattractive she is but suddenly he kisses her out of absolutely nowhere. I’m not even sure why he kissed her. Then he’s taking off his clothes to prove how uninterested he is, but he’s erect and starts rubbing himself. All the while they’re bantering back and forth about some infantile poem she wrote when she was 15, more than a decade earlier, as if it still has some meaning.

And then he’s grabbing her and humping her against a door. But it wasn’t sexy. It reminded me of a horny teenager with no self control. It felt like watching a dog humping someone’s leg and they’re trying to shake it loose.

The whole first scene was incredibly awkward and I had a big “WTF is happening?” question mark in my mind.

Then Eloisa James called the heroes penis “his rod” and it lost me there for good. I just can’t read anymore.

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